THERE! I FIXED THE MOVIE! - The Grinch (2018)
First, we can’t talk about The Grinch without talking about…well, the Grinch. I’m pretty indifferent to this iteration of the mean one. On one hand, tying his anger and solitude into insecurities and anxiety is a decent idea, fearing that no one will accept him so, y’know, why should he accept them? That’s a good interpretation of the character, and I’ll give credit to Benedict Cumberbatch that he tried the best he could, but the biggest problem with him overall is he doesn’t scream “Grinch” to me. He just seems like every other character with an arc about letting people in and/or overcoming loneliness. He feels less like the Grinch and more like a poor man’s Squidward or Gru. First, I wanna go ahead and fix the voice. Benadryl Cucumber should be the perfect fit for the Grinch, almost rivalling Boris Karloff, but instead of getting his typical British accent, his voice sounds more like Doctor Strange gargling a cat. In fact, Benedetto Crocodile even went on record saying that he changed voices because the British accent would seem to out of place. But, like…isn’t that the idea? He’s supposed to be out of place, he’s supposed to stand out. So, easy fix, have him be British as opposed to American to help him stand out, done. I’d even tweak his design to make him seem more disgusting, since the design Illumination settled on looked a little too soft and huggable and “now available at Walmart for $6.99”. Homeboy doesn’t look over 53 at all. Maybe he’d be a bit greasy and unkempt, his teeth yellow and misshapen, some of his fuzz ingrown and grey. In fact, y’know how at one point, the song says “you have termites in your smile”? Why not literally bring that in? There could be a few moments, like when he does his big creepy smile, where we could actually have a few little bugs crawling around in there. But that’s just Mr. Grinch at face value fixed. What about the nitty-gritty of it all? First off, I like the idea of him being an inventor. It actually ties in nicely with his character and serves greatly in the Christmas heist. But my problem with him is that he feels a bit too calm and restrained. And again, that’s not really Grinch-y, and the main example of that is how he treats Max. In the original versions, Max was always more as a minion or a slave to the Grinch, someone to toss around for his own gain. Here, he’s more of a confidant to him, and while that’s a decent idea on paper, Grinchy doesn’t really seem that mean at times. So, how do I fix this? I’d have him grow more cruel and bitter over time. Have him start out being nice to Max but over time have him shift into the abusive nature of him. Even with the pointless reindeer dude, the Grinch just lets him leave when he sees he has a family. Wouldn’t it make more sense if the Grinch got pissed when he left and demanded he stay? I’d even make a couple minor adjustments to the heist itself, such as the scene where he just pours a sleepwalking Who a glass of milk? I’d change it so he pours the milk, pats the Who on the head and…takes the glass, drinking the milk. Then there’s the scene where he meets Cindy Lou Who while on his run. I’d change it so he doesn’t even think to consider everything she said rather than letting it sit in.
Speaking of which, let’s talk about the Cindy Lou Who plot. True, this is where a few of the bigger laughs of the movie come in, and it is an original idea for the story at least, my big issue with it is that it just comes across as filler. It doesn’t add a whole lot to the story, it’s only here because…well, Cindy Lou Who is a major character in The Grinch and there’s only so long someone can listen to Benefit Crumbl Cookies’ weird voice without needing a break. So, how do we fix it? Easy - we tie the two plots into each other. For example, y’know that scene where Grinch steals that sleigh from the Kenan Thompson dude? That comes right after we get a scene where Cindy Lou relays her plan to her friends. What if we switched that order around? We see Grinch capture that reindeer, he shares a plan to get the sleigh, we could even have Cindy Lou and her family at the holiday party, with Cindy catching a glimpse of Grinch stealing the sleigh, and that’s what gives her the idea to trap Santa. It’s not airtight, but it works well enough and gives the subplot some cohesion.
Then we have the ending. This, in my opinion, is where the film loses me. Granted, the Christmas heist is a ton of fun with a ton of inventive gadgets, but there is one issue: why didn’t he steal the big tree in the plaza? They made a big deal out of that tree, it’s what kicks this whole heist off, so in retrospect, that tree should be the first thing to go. But that’s just a nitpick, let’s talk about the real biggest issue with not just this ending, but the whole movie: they cut the line “maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more”. Why does that bother me so much? Because that line is the story’s entire message. This is where Grinch learns that Christmas isn’t about presents or capitalism - it’s just about the joy of being together. Here, his heart grows because…he heard some good music, I dunno. So here’s how I would do it: instead of being distraught at the lost decorations, the Whos see the mess Grinch made and decide “…eh, that doesn’t matter, IT’S FRIGGIN’ CHRISTMAS!”. There could be a brief moment of Cindy Lou addressing the situation and her mom comforting her like in the film as it is, before going into the big “Welcome Christmas” number. Grinch doesn’t know what to do before he considers what Cindy Lou says, takes in the song, but still one question rings loudly in his mind: what went wrong? He ponders on it until he delivers the big “means a little bit more” line and that’s what prompts his heart to grow and moves him to set things right. That’s how the film should’ve ended.
So, that’s my big three points. What does the film look like now? Well…
Mr. Grinch (with Beehive Capybara’s typical British accent) is a grouchy, old and greasy bugger who hates all things Christmas. Once the Whos take it three steps too far with a gargantuan Christmas tree in the plaza, Grinch decides enough is enough. After a failed attempt to take down the tree, he decides that enough is enough…again. It’s time to end Christmas once and for all the only way he knows how - by stealing it, of course! But in order to do so, he needs the right tools, such as a reindeer, which he finds in Fred (yeah, I learned his name this time), a sleigh, in which the theft inspired Cindy Lou Who to trap Santa and get him to help her mom, and the right gadgets. But little by little, Grinch starts slipping deeper and deeper into psychopathy. Once he loses Fred, that’s when he totally cracks and becomes the villainous Grinch we all know and love to hate. He carries out his Christmas heist, finishing what he started by taking the massive tree and briefly stopping at Cindy Lou’s house where she tells him that his worries will disappear if he listens to the music the town sings…which he takes no notice of. The sun rises over Whoville Christmas morning and…the Whos are still happy! They’re still enjoying the holiday and singing their song, to Grinch’s confusion and dismay. After thinking about what went wrong, he deduces that Christmas means more that commercialism. His heart grows three sizes and he returns the gifts. The Whos welcome him in with open arms anyway, ending at a Christmas party in which Grinch gets to carve the roast beast. And with that, I think I fixed the movie. What do you think?
About the Author: JF the LOLZOR
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