There! I Fixed the Movie!

  To be honest, I wanted to like the Jurassic World sequels. The first one was a good amount of fun in spite of a weak script, and the trailers for both sequels seemed to be total slam-dunks. But they all fell apart when they came out, and nowhere is that more evident than in Dominion . Out of all the films in the Jurassic Park series, this can be described as the most disappointing, because this should've been such an easy home run for Universal. It promised to be a movie about killer dinosaurs roaming civilisation with the cast of the World movies meeting the cast of the Park movies. But while it wasn't Fallen Kingdom bad, it had some of the dumbest choices that should've been so easy to avoid. How? Well, let's go into it. Going in by the trailer, you'd think this movie would be about dinosaurs rampaging through the world and the heroes trying to contain them, right? Well, no! In fact, the dinosaurs are barely a threat in this. The main threat of the picture is....

About a year ago, my friend recommended that I watch The Ring , the 2002 horror film from Gore Verbinski, because it was among her favorite movies. And while I didn't get into it as much as she did, I still think it's a great movie with a really inventive premise. It does the Koji Suzuki novel justice perfectly. However, watching this movie made me think about certain movies that could've ended in their first, like, ten minutes. What's this movie's case? Well, let's start. The movie's premise involves a mystery revolving around a cursed video tape that kills you seven days after you watch it. You guys know the one, the one wit the well and Samara Morgan crawling out of the TV. It's a staple of horror iconography next to Ghostface from Scream . However, here's my takeaway: one of the two girls at the beginning seems aware that the Ring tape kills you after watching it...and waiting the seven days, of course. In fact, seven days before the film started...

  Even nearly fourteen years after its release, M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender  has made its mark in cinematic infamy. Not for its box office results or its critical reception, but rather the impact it made on Avatar: The Last Airbender fans, many calling it one of the worst cinematic adaptations of all time. And…yeah. It’s actually really fascinating how much of the show’s lore, tone and overall feel they get completely wrong. But the sad thing is, this is a movie that could've been, and should've been, great. What do I mean? Well, let's get started. Before we get started, I gotta make one thing clear: no, I will not be comparing this to the live-action series on Netflix. That’s got its own slew of issues, so I’m gonna put that in the “story for another time” category. Another thing I’ll point out is, as crazy as it sounds, none of this is specifically Shyamalan’s fault. He’s clearly a big fan of the show and the fact he wanted to make the film after seeing his d...

Sausage Party was a 2016 animated comedy that was noted for being the highest-grossing R-rated animated film of all time. And to be real, it was...fine. The R rating does feel more like a novelty than a legitimate storytelling tool to the point where the movie does go a little "only one joke" at points, but the metaphor for religion is alright and there are some laughs to be had. But if you ask me, one single fix can end up making the film entirely different. But what is that fix? Well, let's begin. Like I said, the R-rating at times feels a bit like a novelty, and while some parts do end up being really funny, at other times it does feel like the joke is just "HAHA THE HOT DOG SAID THE F WORD!". However, I have one idea that could make it really work: cutting a lot of it out... hear me out. Most of the profanity, innuendos and shock humor would be flat out gone, playing it like any other animated film...except for one thing. You may be asking "what about t...

  I said in my TIFTM on Ice Age: Collision Course that that movie isn’t the worst of the Ice Age franchise. That’s because that title belongs to this movie. It’s surprising how they practically got everything wrong that could go wrong with this movie, from its script to its animation. It’s easily one of the worst animated films of this decade so far, if not the worst. There’s enough problems here to make a full TIFTM post, but the reason why it’s just a Mini is because there’s one fix that could make the film completely different. And hey - let’s talk about it. Okay, okay, that first part was a bit of a lie. They didn’t get everything wrong. They got it, like, 98% wrong, but there is one bright spot in this film: the portrayal of Buck himself. Despite the limited animation, they at least try to recapture how he was in the third movie. He’s still energetic, eccentric and…well, wild. The problem with how he is in the movie, however, is that this is meant to be his movie and yet he...

  As of the day this post was released, it was over three years ago that it was announced that Blue Sky Studios would close its doors for good, despite technically living on through Annapurna Animation. And that was a heavy hit, because I grew up with a ton of their movies, such as Robots , Rio ,  The Peanuts Movie , which I still consider my favorite animated film of all time, and of course, Ice Age . However, this studio was not perfect, and I would call their biggest problem the fact that for the longest time, they couldn’t let go of Ice Age , and nowhere did those chickens come home to roost more than with the fifth instalment, Collision Course . I’ll be fair and say this isn’t the worst of the series, but it is the one where I wound up feeling the most franchise fatigue. But, as crazy as it may sound, there is actually a way this might work. How? Let's begin. First, we have to address the film's villains, the dino-birds. Out of all the Ice Age villains, these are the one...

For the past few months, I’ve been seeing a lot of people ganging up on Toy Story 4 . Countless negative reviews about it, some people wanting to write it off as non-canon, and I’m sure as you all know, that damn 6 hour rant. And I had to start asking the question “wait, really?” I mean, yeah, I’m not gonna act like it doesn’t have its problems, and it certainly doesn’t hold a candle to the first three, but I still argue it still stands as a quality conclusion to the franchise…well, it was until Disney greenlit a terrible sounding fifth movie…and Lightyear too, I guess. But again, I’m gonna take the chance to get into what works, what doesn’t work, and what ultimately keeps it afloat. Now, keep in mind that this isn’t a means to debunk any negative feelings you may have toward this film, this is all my opinion. I’m not gonna gaslight anyone into liking the movie - you’re still allowed to think it’s a bad film. I’m just here to play devil's advocate and give my two cents on this fe...

WARNING: The following post will contain spoilers for the film. If you haven't seen the movie yet, feel free to come back later. I don't think I'm alone in saying this, but Disney's 100th anniversary was one that went kinda poor. Granted, the company did produce some great films in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3  and Elemental , but everything else they put out was either forgettable, bland, or most of the time, a missed opportunity. And nowhere was that more apparent in their big celebratory movie: Wish . Going in, I thought this was going to be one of Disney's best animated films in years, if not the best. But when it ultimately released, it all came crashing down hard. In fact, to this day, people almost unanimously agree that this is one of, if not Disney's weakest animated film in recent years. I didn't hate the movie, but it's a film I'd describe as an airline movie. Y'know those cheesy, saccharine fluff films that always shows on planes si...