THERE! I FIXED THE MOVIE - Dr. Seuss' The Lorax
One thing I wanna fix right away is regarding the characters, particularly their motivations. For a lack of a better term, the seeds for great characters were all planted in plain view, but in execution, they all fall apart. Let's start off with the movie's villain, Aloysius O'Hare. His entire presence in the film completely undermines the point of the book. The point of the story is that anyone can be led astray by capitalism. That was why we never saw the Once-ler's face, because he's a representative of how this sort of thing can happen to anyone. We'll get to that in a little bit, but pinning the blame on a villain straight out of an after-school special feels a little disingenuous. So, easy fix, we get rid of him, right? Well, no, because that would mean we'd also have to get rid of Cy the delivery guy, and he's the best character in the movie whenever he's onscreen Cy-ing all over the place. O'Hare could still be in the movie, but we'd have to reduce his role significantly, like perhaps he only appears in the opening number and the ending, with maybe one or two appearances in between, but not as a main character and definitely not as the main villain. But I know what you're thinking, if O'Hare's gone, who's gonna be the main antagonist? Uh...the Once-ler? Speaking of which, I mainly had no problem with how he's done in the movie. Constantly showing his face took a little time to get used to since it does undermine the whole “this can happen to anyone” idea of the book, but he was still a pretty unique and interesting take on the guy…except for one thing. The film tries to pin the blame of the Once-ler chopping down every tree for the Thneeds on his family egging him on, which I think is the same problem as O’Hare where they feel more like a cop-out way to relieve the Once-ler of any blame for the damages he’s done to the environment, but unlike O’Hare, I feel this is a case where I do need to get rid of them, not just because of those reasons, but also because they’re just really annoying. In that place, I’d make it so the Once-ler is simply misguided and oblivious to what the Thneed production is doing to the forest, only for the reality to sink in when the last tree falls, considering him yelling at the Lorax comes across more as “AYO SCREW THE TREES I DON’T CARE-oh shit”. One last change I’d make is regarding Ted and Audrey. One big fix I’d make to Ted straight-away is to make him aware of the Truffula trees before Audrey shows him her murals. This would include rewriting that scene where Ted and Audrey bond over the murals by setting up Ted’s quest with him expressing his desire to bring back the trees, and Audrey saying “well then go for it. go save the trees ted you got this.” This way, it wouldn’t seem like Ted’s just saving an entire ecosystem to get into Audrey’s pants. I also had this idea of aging him up to roughly Audrey’s age so Zac Efron’s voice wouldn’t seem as weird or out of place, but that’d be a little hypocritical since one of my favorite cartoon characters is Dipper Pines, so I won’t follow through with it. Speaking of Audrey, I’d make her a little more present in the story, because as is, I think Taylor Swift has more onscreen presence in Cats. We’ll get to my plan for that in a little bit, but the point is, I’d get her more involved in some scenes, maybe Ted even brings her to see the Once-ler at one point, so they could build on her dynamic with Ted and her character.
Then you have the music of the film. As they are in the film, the songs aren’t bad. They’re not great, and certainly not the best songs that writer Cinco Paul has worked on (since he did do the music for Schmigadoon), but they’re still serviceable enough. In fact, my only fix here is actually adding more songs. My first addition would be including a song about trees sung by Ted and Audrey when she shows him the murals. Not only because I find it a little weird that there’s only one of the songs in the film that’s pro-trees, but also because Ted and Audrey are the only two characters to never sing in the film - not even during “Let it Grow”. This wouldn’t be a problem if not for the fact that they’re voiced by Zac Efron and Taylor Swift. These two are legit singers whose musical talents, particularly Swift’s, aren’t used at all, which I never understood. I’d also extend the song “This is the Place” when the Once-ler first arrives in the Truffula forest. There’s actually an extended version of the song on the soundtrack that’s two and a half minutes long that I think would’ve worked a little better. But now we have to address the elephant in the room, perhaps the biggest talking point when discussing the movie’s songs outside of the memes: “Biggering”. This was what was originally going to fill the shoes of “How Bad Can I Be?” until the former took its place because it was too anti-corporate. I’m of the opinion that “How Bad Can I Be?” is actually a pretty good song, but yeah, I agree - “Biggering” is a thousand times better, and it’s a little asinine to think they would create such a fantastic song only to not use it. But the question remains - what do I do? Do I keep “How Bad Can I Be?” or replace it with “Biggering”? Actually, I have another idea - what if I shorten the former by getting rid of the climax and replace the Once-ler kicking the Lorax out of his factory with “Biggering”? This way, we can interpret “How Bad Can I Be?” as the Once-ler saying “hey running a successful business is pretty awesome!” while “Biggering” would see him at the peak of his success and greed, practically thinking he’s a god, the song ending with the last tree falling. The climax of the song could also work as sort of a dark reprise of “How Bad Can I Be?”. And as for “Let it Grow”, I have two ideas for that. We’ll get to the second in a bit, but the first is having Audrey lead the chorus instead of Ted’s mom, since it makes more thematic sense for her to convince everyone to let the tree grow.
One last change I’d make is regarding the message and the ending. The message of the Lorax story is fantastic - to waste no time in protecting the environment before the trees go extinct. The problem with how the movie does it is that it paints obvious “good”s and “bad”s in a way that isn’t subtle or intelligent, as if the movie’s saying “aw no, none of us are at fault for the trees dying, it’s all because of this goofy Edna Mode lookin’ ahh villain!”. And nowhere is this issue more prevalent than in the ending. The ambiguity and urgency of the book is lost when they throw in a car chase, a happy pop song and even the Lorax coming back. I thought about how to fix this ending for a while, but I came to an interesting conclusion: what if the movie ended at the Once-ler giving Ted the seed? Granted, it wouldn’t wrap everything up, like the Ted and Audrey story, but that way they’d keep the subtlety and ambiguity of the original ending. They could even still close it with the Dr. Seuss quote they had at the end…even after The Once-ler says it. But I know what you’re thinking: if we get rid of the climax; what about “Let it Grow”? I have two work arounds for that: one is we cut it entirely and leave the ending as is. Another is we overhaul it into a duet piece between the Once-ler and Ted, debating on whether or not people will accept the tree, with the Once-ler not being 100% sure while Ted is cautiously optimistic, leaving the film on a subtle and optimistic note.
Okay, we’ve gone over our main points. How would the film look now? Well, I’m gonna do something unique and do this whole recap in rhyme. Let’s go.
We open in Thneedville as we’re introduced to Ted, a boy with visions of trees dancing in his head. He greets his friend Audrey, a tree lover as well, and she encourages him to grow one, the two singing how the air quality is hell. The search is on for the Once-ler who relays his tale of woe: once a wide-eyed dreamer giving Thneed production a go. After a fairly long search before getting to work with his axe, a tree is chopped down and he’s face to face with the Lorax. The Lorax warns him sternly “don’t go chopping more trees”, but the Once-ler asks him to chill, one’s all he needs. But Thneeds become the next big thing overnight, and with a fun poppy song, the Once-ler begins his monetary plight. But trouble’s a-brewing, sweet Lorax is figuring, but the Once-ler’s too consumed by greed, as shown through “Biggering”. The last tree falls and the Lorax says goodbye, lifting his ass straight up into the sky. But back in the present, the Once-ler concludes that the fate of the ecosystem rests in the dude, the same dude who visited him yearning for a seed, but he stops and thinks: is a tree what they need? But Ted convinces him that trees are pretty brill, and though they won’t understand at first, eventually they will. Ted rides off as the film ends, ready to fulfil that duty. And with that, my dear friends, I think I fixed the movie.
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